Where The Boys Were: Historical Approach

Where The Boys Were

 

1:: The Nightmare

It was the year Madonna

came into public view

and left her bellybutton print in cement

in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre.

 

But it's the nightmare

I keep remembering

of boys falling from trees,

from the sky.

Boys landing in construction sites,

quarries, on top of buses, at intersections

where the lights go green all at once.

 

Turn your head to cough

and 5,000 boys fall from the sky.

It's frightening. Light candles

in Central Park to their shadows

falling all night. Push them back

into heaven with our little flames.

 

2 :: The Media

I met a man named Bruce

at an AIDS conference

who was getting better. TV camera

closed in on him, lenses sparkling with good news, they help him up

to the nation as a symbol of hope.

He's dead now.

 

And I read in the paper about Jim -

a man from Texas who has AIDS.

When he was little, his concept of heaven

was a canasta game with lots of coffee and cigarettes

But recently in the shower,

he found a maroon splotch on his arm.

Maroon, like a color they leave somewhere.

 

And now heaven seems closer somehow.

He can almost hear the shuffling of cards

from somewhere high up and far away.

 

3 :: A Man Chooses His Funeral Urn

Sometimes a man sits down on stone steps

beside the pink and brown jar

which will contain him. It could be

a teapot, but there's no spout. He's dying.

He sits down in the middle of the stone steps

as if in the middle of his life.

Lifts the lid,

the pretty bubblegum pink ceramic urn

with brown Japanese strokes

swirled in. He lifts the lid

and looks deep into it:

 

So this is where I'm headed.

So this will be my new home.

 

He's tired, he wants

to rest his thinning legs.

Wants to hold

that pink and brown teapot

gently in his hands, as it will one day

hold him. Whisper something

sweet and funny into the empty space

so that he will not be alone

when he gets there.

A nickname. Baby Doll.

 

4 :: Voice

When they look at my life

like a charcoal sketch

ripped from a pad, tell them

I wasn't done.

That there was color to be added –

oranges, pinks, greys.

That all the lines would eventually lead

toward the horizon, some vanishing

point past the paper's edge.

 

Tell them how finally

there was nothing left of me:

I ran out of dance steps on a crowded floor,

the parquet wood cracked

beneath my feet.

 

How I threw my name into the air

and it came down faded ticker tape,

unreadable.

 

I suppose I'll come hurtling down

from heaven, handsome again. Let me fall

where no one will find me

so you can go on with your life –

a wedge of honeydew melon rocking on your plate.

Pretend it's a bad dream.

Wake up from it.

Wake up from it as I could not.

    

    Because Crossing With the Light was published in 1992, his poems represent emotions experienced nearly two decades ago. His frequent topics of race and sexuality are as relevant today as they were in the 1980s, yet the cultural connotations of many of his subjects have changed. To truly understand the dark, despairing tone of "Where The Boys Were," a reader must review the poem through a historical lens.

    In the cultural context of the late 1980s, AIDS was a frightful, mysterious, and deadly epidemic. This feeling of an unknown future is echoed throughout the poem. Okita continually refers to the "nightmare" or "bad dream" of "boys falling." AIDS terrorized many Americans in this time; methods of contracting the disease were vague, as each day, the numbers of those infected grew and grew. The image of falling from sky, or heaven, seems to symbolize an unnatural event. Just as these boys belonged in heaven, the speaker and many others are not ready to leave Earth; those who died "[weren't] done" with their lives yet. Like the charcoal sketch, these lives were taken prematurely. "There was color to be added" yet the men died too soon, leaving Earth with uncompleted lives, monotone and bleak. All the men the speaker has met have lost hope of life because of the killer. While the media continues to sugarcoat Bruce's condition, he marches steadily towards death. Even while the media downplays the horrors of the epidemic, men continued to die. The speaker mentions Jim, another man infected with AIDS. When infected, he imagines heaven more vividly; he realizes that death is approaching.

    The man holding his future urn is an especially powerful image. As he sits on the steps, he is holding something that he can contain. The urn is a tangible affirmation of his death. No one truly understands the mysterious illness, but the man realizes that the urn "will be [his] new home." Though the complete effects of AIDS were unclear back then, the man's fate is certain. He does not wish to remain alone in his next life; he feels lonely and isolated. Many of the men with AIDS felt ostracized. The general public feared contact; for what if they, too, became infected?

    Okita's four "titles" accurately sum up the different emotions felt during this time. It certainly was a nightmare for all. Humans were unable to stop and control the epidemic, just as they are powerless from changing the events in a frightening dream. The rapidly climbing infection and death rates were surreal; boys were falling everywhere. The media had significant influence over the general public's knowledge of AIDS. While officials remained vague on specific details, public theories began to originate. AIDS was initially known as "GRID" – gay related immune deficiency. The American public provoked itself into further fear and horror of this "gay cancer." Yet, as many were hysterical, others were calm. The Man who "chooses his funeral urn" is one who has come to accept his looming fate. His attitude is one of dejected acceptance. By the end of the 1980s, the AIDS epidemic became voiced more publicly. With acknowledgement from President Reagan, as well as a few notable celebrities, more support and activist groups developed. In this climate of fear and paranoia, many rose to fight back and speak up about the disease. Even if the speaker cannot "go on with [his] life", he urges others to "wake up." To stop this horrible nightmare from ruining more lives, he urges all to wake up and stop the bad dream. In a way, the poem ends on a hopeful note. Though the speaker cannot see a positive future for himself, he believes others will be able to stop the falling boys.

    This poem's emotions are especially heightened given the context of its publication. During these decades, AIDS was a relatively new disease with treatment that offered very vague and uncertain futures. It is important to consider this time of despair in America historically. Additionally, Okita could have written this poem from a personal experience. As an openly gay writer, he was most likely subject to much of the homophobic ideas that swirled around "GRID." While AIDS is still a significant issue, America today is no longer in a state of hysteria. Given the setting and personal context of the 1980s, the poem's hopelessness becomes much more raw, honest, and powerful.